Tag Archives: CPI

LET’S POUND! Presidential Hopefuls Porking It Up on the Campaign Trail!

Every four years, a select group of political superstars head off to the Iowa State Fair to show the regular people their relatability, electability, and ability to Pound It in pursuit of the presidency of our great nation.  Although there are surely hundreds if not thousands of varieties of foods to sample in Iowa, the one item that binds the candidates is the famed Pork Chop on a Stick.  Here is a brief tour of the most recent Pork Chop Poundathon.

First up: John Kasich (R)

Despite being the sanest candidate on the Republican side, Johnny-boy comes off a little weaselly in this Pork-Pounding.  Unfortunate that the first impression is the one that lasts, but that’s how it goes in the world of pork-based politics.

Better luck in 2020, buddy!

Better luck in 2020, buddy!

Next: Hillary Clinton (D)

If we were endorsing a candidate simply from her Pounding Presence, Hillary would be the one.  The bright and cheery face, the way the chop is pulling down her lower lip like she was a puppy refusing to let go of a sock?  Luckily it’s not about Pounding It alone.  She’s calm, cool, worldly, and collected, and she knows how it all works.

This is my screen saver!

This is my screen saver!

Next: Ted Cruz (R)

Honestly, one of the more presidential Poundings on the list.  Got the finger point for authority, the steely gaze for resolve, and the tin foil, to show all the crazies that he has their backs too.  Good luck Ted!

Got no beef with this Pork Pounding!

Got no beef with this Pork Pounding! Thanks Getty!

Why not: Martin O’Malley (D)

Not sure why we’re including him, since he’s way out of the race, but look at this picture of him posing with pork.  Maybe we were too hasty in ridiculing him out of the race.  He even got the full IPPA promo into his shot.

We were looking for a Pork Pounding, and instead got seafood.  Get it?  SEE-food?

We were looking for a Pork Pounding, and instead got seafood. Get it? SEE-food?

And of course: Donald Trump (R?)

Ugh.  This was the dreaded Pound.  Hard to look at this guy when he’s NOT eating.  If his naiveté and horribly simplistic views weren’t enough of an off-putting prospect, watching him wrap those greasy lips around a fat chop…  hurp…  let’s get this over with.

Who wears CUFFLINKS to a fuckin’ State Fair in Ohio?

Who wears CUFFLINKS to a fuckin’ State Fair in Ohio?

Maybe another camera angle…

Good lord – get a room you two, willya?

Good lord – get a room you two, willya?

Let’s try again.

Gross.  Somehow even worse when his eyes are open.

Gross. Somehow even worse when his eyes are open.

Let’s move on.

Bernie Sanders (I)

We think that Bern is likely not a fan of pork chops, on sticks or otherwise.  At least we couldn’t find a proper shot of him chop-pounding, but we think he was still considered a joke candidate at the time of the fair.  Anyway, here’s one of him as he prepares to pound some arthritis medication, or possibly a urine sample – it’s tough to say what’s in the little jar.

Just make it easier on us next time, Bernie – eat the fuckin’ pork chop!  It’s for America!

Just make it easier on us next time, Bernie – eat the fuckin’ pork chop! It’s for America!

And then there’s this…

For crying out loud, buddy – wear an undershirt next time!

For crying out loud, buddy – wear an undershirt next time!

We are so close to being done with this election season – everyone stay cool!  Keep On Pounding It!  #CPI

Jenny McCarthy is About to Pound Something Too Big to be Pounded

If she was planning to cut that meatball into pieces – fuck, if she was even planning to cut that meatball in HALF, it wouldn’t be sitting up there, perched on a fork, waiting its turn in line behind a slippery, saucy little noodle. It is clear that Miz McCarthy is going to stuff that pretty little meatball right where the sun doesn’t shine. Of course I mean her mouth. Pretty dark in there. Go get ‘em Jenny!

We are applauding through the tears.  Thank you Bruce Glikas and FilmMagic (and Buca di Beppo)

We are applauding through the tears. Thank you Bruce Glikas and FilmMagic (and Buca di Beppo)

Paris Hilton Pounding For The Weekend (to be sung to the tune of Loverboy’s “Everybody’s Working for the Weekend”)

We hope everyone out there, celebrities and non-celebrities alike, will have a wonderful Independence Day weekend – if you’re in any other country in the world aside from the USA, we hope you just have a generally nice, typical 2-day weekend. Please groove on this glimpse of mega-cutie Paris Hilton as she Pounds a Petite Slice of Pizza. Happy 4th! #CPI

We love you, Paris!

We love you, Paris!

Sofia Vergara Pounds It Onstage in her One Woman Show, “I Alone Will Pound This Entire Pizza”, Written and Directed By Sofia Vergara

The show is light on dialogue, but the first row smells DELIGHTFUL.

Brava!!

Brava!!

Sophie Monk, Charity Pounder!

Sophie Monk is a beautiful and compassionate singer, model and actress.  And holy smokes, she knows how to Pound It!

Good lord, we hope that’s Shepherd’s Pie.  Dribbly!

Good lord, we hope that’s Shepherd’s Pie. Dribbly!

But aside from her professional work, Sophie also gives back to the Pounding community.  Here she is, volunteering to help some tattooed goofball who clearly has a Pounding disorder of some kind.

Up and in there!  You can do it!

Up and in there! You can do it!

Miz Monk, you’re an inspiration to us all!  Keep on Pounding!

 

Check out all the Hollywood Blondes! They are POUNDING IT!

Like any other media outlet, Celebrities Pounding It has to constantly take the temperature of the Global Media Consumer.  When we asked you, the people, whom you wanted to see Pounding It more than any other, the answer came back loud and clear.  Blondes Pounding It.  Especially blonde women, Pounding It especially hard.  And so, since we are a compliant media who always give the people whatever they want, no matter how vapid or puerile the peoples’ desires may be, here comes a huge stack of Blondes Pounding It!  Let’s start off with refreshments…

You better believe blondes have more fun, especially when they’re Pounding It! Check out Perez Hilton, Pounding the Sweet Tea!

It looks like a Share Pound to us – if only we could know the lucky sharer!

It looks like a Share Pound to us – if only we could know the lucky sharer!

Gwyneth Paltrow is giving these tasty raviolis the Pounding that they have always desired. Nice one, Gwyneth!

Could use a little Cholula, but whatevs.

Could use a little Cholula, but whatevs.

Check out Nicole Kidman, sticking it in there like she doesn’t give a shit.  Beautifully Pounded, M’lady!

A truly gorge-ous Celebrity Pounder!

A truly gorgeous Celebrity Pounder!

Here’s Heidi Montag, giving a Sweet Pounding to a single raspberry!  WOW!

Not really Pounding It, but she’s blonde, so we’re going with it.

Not really Pounding It, but she’s blonde, so we’re going with it.

Lady Gaga is Pounding It in a very stagy and precocious way.  Pretty amazed with the speed at which this chick fell off the national Give-A-Fuck registry.

NEXT!

NEXT!

Kirsten Dunst is awesome.  We have no idea what she’s Pounding, and we don’t really care.  And now, out of respect for her privacy, we’re gonna back off.

What a doll.

What a doll.

Okay, that’s enough for a while – we’re going to take some time off and  let the batteries recharge for a bit, maybe recapture some of the love of this business that has slipped away recently.  But if any of you PoundWatchers have a great snapshot of a celebrity really giving the business to a plate of spaghetti, or a giant platter of BBQ, or a mile-high mud pie, feel free to send it our way.  We might add it to the pantheon of Celebrities Pounding It!

Hell YEAH! Here are two of our Favorite Pounders, Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson – and they are POUNDING IT!

Are these two a fuckin’ DELIGHT or WHAT?  They have chemistry on and off the screen, they leave it all on the field, and whenever they get the chance, they Pound It like a pair of wild malamutes.  Ladies and gents, Vince Vaughn (upper left) and Owen Wilson (lower right).  Cheers, gentlemen!

Awesome Sauce!

Awesome Sauce!