Tag Archives: Celebrities Pounding It

Hasselhoff? More like Dapperhoff! And he is Pounding It!

 

Calm down ladies - plenty of meat for everyone!

Calm down ladies – plenty of meat for everyone!

And speaking of style, pick up a “Party Your HASSelhOFF” T-shirt while you still have the chance!  Ger it here: represent.com/Hoff

Will you wear it as well as the Hoff?  Honestly, probably not.  But you can try!

Will you wear it as well as the Hoff? Honestly, probably not. But you can try!

You’re the best, buddy!  Keep on Pounding It!  #CPI

Bill Hader, America’s Sweetheart, is POUNDING IT!

The guy is magic.  Everything he does is at least 75 percent funnier because of his involvement.  Just look at this iPhone ad.  If it had been Drew Carey, it would have been a big sack of stupid.  With Bill Hader?  GOLD.  And the fella knows how to Pound It.

He probably spit the bites out after every take, but we at CPI like to imagine that he didn’t.

 

LET’S POUND! Presidential Hopefuls Porking It Up on the Campaign Trail!

Every four years, a select group of political superstars head off to the Iowa State Fair to show the regular people their relatability, electability, and ability to Pound It in pursuit of the presidency of our great nation.  Although there are surely hundreds if not thousands of varieties of foods to sample in Iowa, the one item that binds the candidates is the famed Pork Chop on a Stick.  Here is a brief tour of the most recent Pork Chop Poundathon.

First up: John Kasich (R)

Despite being the sanest candidate on the Republican side, Johnny-boy comes off a little weaselly in this Pork-Pounding.  Unfortunate that the first impression is the one that lasts, but that’s how it goes in the world of pork-based politics.

Better luck in 2020, buddy!

Better luck in 2020, buddy!

Next: Hillary Clinton (D)

If we were endorsing a candidate simply from her Pounding Presence, Hillary would be the one.  The bright and cheery face, the way the chop is pulling down her lower lip like she was a puppy refusing to let go of a sock?  Luckily it’s not about Pounding It alone.  She’s calm, cool, worldly, and collected, and she knows how it all works.

This is my screen saver!

This is my screen saver!

Next: Ted Cruz (R)

Honestly, one of the more presidential Poundings on the list.  Got the finger point for authority, the steely gaze for resolve, and the tin foil, to show all the crazies that he has their backs too.  Good luck Ted!

Got no beef with this Pork Pounding!

Got no beef with this Pork Pounding! Thanks Getty!

Why not: Martin O’Malley (D)

Not sure why we’re including him, since he’s way out of the race, but look at this picture of him posing with pork.  Maybe we were too hasty in ridiculing him out of the race.  He even got the full IPPA promo into his shot.

We were looking for a Pork Pounding, and instead got seafood.  Get it?  SEE-food?

We were looking for a Pork Pounding, and instead got seafood. Get it? SEE-food?

And of course: Donald Trump (R?)

Ugh.  This was the dreaded Pound.  Hard to look at this guy when he’s NOT eating.  If his naiveté and horribly simplistic views weren’t enough of an off-putting prospect, watching him wrap those greasy lips around a fat chop…  hurp…  let’s get this over with.

Who wears CUFFLINKS to a fuckin’ State Fair in Ohio?

Who wears CUFFLINKS to a fuckin’ State Fair in Ohio?

Maybe another camera angle…

Good lord – get a room you two, willya?

Good lord – get a room you two, willya?

Let’s try again.

Gross.  Somehow even worse when his eyes are open.

Gross. Somehow even worse when his eyes are open.

Let’s move on.

Bernie Sanders (I)

We think that Bern is likely not a fan of pork chops, on sticks or otherwise.  At least we couldn’t find a proper shot of him chop-pounding, but we think he was still considered a joke candidate at the time of the fair.  Anyway, here’s one of him as he prepares to pound some arthritis medication, or possibly a urine sample – it’s tough to say what’s in the little jar.

Just make it easier on us next time, Bernie – eat the fuckin’ pork chop!  It’s for America!

Just make it easier on us next time, Bernie – eat the fuckin’ pork chop! It’s for America!

And then there’s this…

For crying out loud, buddy – wear an undershirt next time!

For crying out loud, buddy – wear an undershirt next time!

We are so close to being done with this election season – everyone stay cool!  Keep On Pounding It!  #CPI

Sir Patrick Stewart Goes Head To Head with Andrew Dice Clay in a Perfect Pizza Pound-Off!

It’s been too long since we pitted a couple of Celebrity Pounders against each other. Let’s get to it! In this corner…

Patrick Stewart, Officer of the Order of the British Empire, accomplished actor with an amazing array of roles on the stage, big screen and small screen, as well as a number of voice roles, will be a tough one to tangle with. He’s Captain Picard, Professor Charles Xavier, Gurney Halleck and LeonDegrance. Royal Shakespeare Company? You know it. But rumour is, this photo captures the first time Sir Patrick ever Pounded a slice of pizza. Unsettling? For sure.

If this is the first slice ever for Sir Patrick, he’s doing an amazing job of acting like it’s no big deal.

If this is the first slice ever for Sir Patrick, he’s doing an amazing job of acting like it’s no big deal.

And in that corner, in the sleeveless black tee-shirt?

Andrew Dice Clay is a legend of a comic. He’s been in the game for a full generation, performed for millions of people, he lit up the screen in “The Adventures of Ford Fairlane,” and then he started getting banned left and right. He’s still running strong and has and now has “Andrew Dice Clay Presents The Blue Show” on Showtime. But come on – first slice of pizza for this guy? Not by a fucking LONGSHOT.

One slice in the mouth, one slice on deck, and a Coke and a smoke to finish it off.  OWWWWW!

One slice in the mouth, one slice on deck, and a Coke and a smoke to finish it off. OWWWWW!

Cast your votes! Who’s got the stuff! #CPI

Jenny McCarthy is About to Pound Something Too Big to be Pounded

If she was planning to cut that meatball into pieces – fuck, if she was even planning to cut that meatball in HALF, it wouldn’t be sitting up there, perched on a fork, waiting its turn in line behind a slippery, saucy little noodle. It is clear that Miz McCarthy is going to stuff that pretty little meatball right where the sun doesn’t shine. Of course I mean her mouth. Pretty dark in there. Go get ‘em Jenny!

We are applauding through the tears.  Thank you Bruce Glikas and FilmMagic (and Buca di Beppo)

We are applauding through the tears. Thank you Bruce Glikas and FilmMagic (and Buca di Beppo)

One of These Pounds Is Not Like the Other

Come on, Glamour Pounders! Let’s see you all turn to the right, pick up that spoon full of food, and Start Pounding!

We begin with the Gold Standard of Celebrity Pounding, she by whom all others are measured – the Supreme Pounder herself, Kim Kardashian West. She has the form, she has the desire – she’s got it going on!

Was there any doubt?

Was there any doubt?

And now we move on to something a little more formal, a little more staged, but truly an example of form at its best. Scarlett Johansson is giving us all she has with this delicious Ice Cream Pound.

High Class Pounding!

High Class Pounding!

And of course, if you’re discussing the glamorous women of Hollywood who knew how to pack it away, there is only one name that MUST be included. Marilyn, we loved everything you ever did. Well Pounded, Norma Jean.

Few others could Pound It with such natural grace and enthusiasm.

Few others could Pound It with such natural grace and enthusiasm.

But then, of course, someone has to come along and throw off the balance. Thanks a lot, Kathie Lee!

Sad trombone.

Sad trombone.

Aw Kathie Lee – you know we’re just kidding around.  We think you’re the bee’s knees!  Keep on being awesome!  #CPI

Sir Paul McCartney is Pounding It!

We were going to say that Sir Paul lost a Super Bowl Super Bet with Sir Ringo, and that the loser had to eat an entire cheese by himself. And of course, Sir Paul being the awesome guy he is, would have clearly placed his cheese wager on the Seahawks. But then we knew that we would receive a lot of heat about the photo being from 1965 or something, and we didn’t figure the joke was worth it. So here he is, Sir Paul McCartney, Pounding an entire cheese by himself for whatever his reason was at the time. Enjoy.

No quarter offered, or taken.

No quarter offered, or taken. Hope for the Future, his new single, is out now!