The World Was Screaming Out for a “Pounding Kardashian.” This Will Have To Do.

Kim Kardashian is totes super busy right now, what with the media and fashion empires and all, but that doesn’t mean the world doesn’t want to watch her Pound It.  Well folks, #CPI isn’t going to let a bunch of angry emails bully us into bullying Kim for a Celebrity Pounding.  You’re getting Kourtney Pounding It, and that’s that.

Look at her go, Pounding It for Team K! Thank you, E! Online!

Who are we kidding?  We know what you want to see…

Ahhhh… the Pound Craving has been sated.

Delightful, no?  We love you Kourtney and Kim!  #CPI

Mayor Michael Bloomberg is Pounding one of New York’s Finest (Hot Dogs, That Is…)

Look at this guy!  Presidential material?  Judging by the Pounding he’s dishing out here, CPI could get behind a run in 2016.

That’s a campaign poster right there!

But who could share the ticket with this guy? It would have to be someone personable, charming, sharp as a fuckin’ tack, and most importantly, someone with a proven Pounding record.  Who could we look to?

Aw Hell Yeah! Bloomberg/Richman 2016!

Audrina Patridge is Seriously Pounding It!

Looks to us like she is gonna destroy that entire cake by herself.  Nice Work Audrina!  That’s Pounding!

Pure Pounding!

Kim Kardashian is Back on the Market… and she is Pounding It!

We’re sorry to hear that Kim and Kris didn’t last.  Marriage is a sacred promise, and not to be treated lightly.  But we think it’s always been clear, Kim’s true love is Pounding It.  Seriously.  Google “Kim Kardashian Eating.” It will blow your computer right the fuck up.

Looking for answers in a big fluffy pink cloud of cotton candy.

It’s not that they didn’t try, but when he is in love with her, and she is in love with Pounding It, problems are gonna come up.

"Geez, that woman is INSATIABLE! She wants to Pound It 7 or 8 times a day!"

Good luck to you both – we hope you find what you’re looking for.

CPI

Nicole Richie looks like she’s Pounding It, but she’s really just licking the bottom bun.

Do we care?  Hell no!  Looks like a Pounding to us!

How many beverages does one skinny reality star need anyway?

Rachael Ray is Pounding a Leafburger with Gusto!

We wouldn’t call that burger delicious-looking, not by a longshot, but it’s the Intensity of the Pounding that sells it on CPI!

She looks like she's trying to silence her own screams of terror. With bitter greens.

How do you Pound something that doesn’t want to be Pounded?

You just Pound It.  And if it crawls back out, it was never yours to Pound.  Just ask Janice Dickinson.

Look at that little guy - how he pleads with his eyes!

Check out the Simple Life Reunion Pound!

Why WOULDN’T they get back together, now that the world needs their teamwork more than ever?

Paris devouring something on a stick that's been dipped in something else. Good Pounding.

And from across the crowded room, Nicole watches and waits... and pounds...

Padma Pounds.

Look at those eyes.  Look at that BBQ rib.  Thank you for the Pounding, Ms. Lakshmi.

So spicy!

Bear Grylls is making the Hollywood Pounders look like a bunch of amateurs!

Never have we seen a celebrity destroy it quite so literally.

Zebra doesn't get any fresher.

Hey Bear, your buddy down there is getting hungry watching this display.

As soon as I get my head unstuck, I am right there with you homes!